Being a Mistress Is...

My life was terrible when I continued to be a mistress. I was really never contented and doubting all the time. Everytime J and I are together, I am the one holding his phone so I know whether his wife texts or not. And I also look at his sent items secretly if he says i love you to her. That was really bad that I lost confidence and am already losing my self-worth for being the "second" in line. Well, one day, we were eating at a restaurant (of course my treat), J had a text and I was thinking it was his wife. J didn't know he had a text becuase I put it to silent mode. To my surprise, it was another girl texting him! Argh! That's really mad of him! Wondering what she texted? The text goes like this (translated to englih), "J why are you not replying to my texts last night? I sent you the money today via the Western Union and the control number is_______. Hope you text me soon and please don't be mad at me anymore. I love you." WOw, I thought I was the only girl after his wife, but I was wrong. It was already my 3rd year so I was struggling to have money for my tuition fee since my parents lost their job and my sisters and my other brother is graduating in college. And J is in the line asking for money everyday! He's got a family but is jobless! No wonder why he asks for money everytime. One day, when I went home from my duty in hospital, my parents were very mad at me and so of my grandma. They told me that J asked for my grandma to lend him some money so I can pay for my midterm exams. But I told them I never asked help or money from J. From then on, I lost my parents and family's trust. SO what? I told myself, I still have J... That then on, J did not went back to my home. I confronted him with that and he said he needed to feed hid family and everything... So I reconciled with him and went on with the relationship. Finals exam is nearing. My parents are jobles, my grandma is feeding my whole family. J is still asking for money. As to much that I don't wanna lose him, I asked friends and classmates to help me financially, lend me money and borrow jewelries to get pawned (of course I did not tell them that). I also took my sisters jewelries to pawn and later I wasn't able to pay them so the shop took it... I am so sorry with that. One Sunday, my grandma went to church, she saw J with his wife and child and his mom. My grandma confronted J with the money he asked from her (it was a big amount), his wife overheard it and told her mom. So they argued in the church and decided they need to go to my house and talk there. I was on my duty then... When I went home, my dad went to me in the gate and told me to hang on to him. I was wondering why. When I went inside the house, my grandma's sisters are there and talked to me on certain things about the guy. They advised me to stop my relationship with him. I told them ok... My dad talked to me as well... He cried to me and told me he's sorry that he cannot do anything to help me but he's assuring me that he's just there ready to help and just needs to me to tell him my problem because he will not let me down. I hugged my dad very tight crying as well. But still I denied to my family that I was having an affair with J...